Far Out Son of Lung...

134340

News Release
With the reclassification of Pluto to the status of Dwarf Planet, protests are being waged by communities of Little People.

"This is an outrage, once again we are being minimized by society because of our size", stated Bilbo Wadsworth.
Wadsworth is the spokesman for Raising Awareness of Little Fellows, or RALF, an organization known globally -among some- for it's work in the uphill fight for respect in modern society.

"Calling Pluto and the other heavenly bodies Dwarf Planets without recognizing them as actual, full fledged planets is a slap in the face for dwarves, midgets and other height challenged races across the globe. It suggests that we are not to be recognized as real people, either."

Rioting has broken out in several cities but damages have been relatively limited as most businesses do not have windows low enough to be reached by protesters. Despite using baseball bats and wrenches as implements of destruction, their efforts were stymied by low sidewalks, tall curbs and limited access above the three foot high walls that characterize most modern architecture.

Confused passers-by also found their efforts confusing, "I never thought school children would be so empassioned about this Pluto thing."

Another couple had this to say after passing a large group of dwarves and midgets on their way home from the park, "At first we thought they were out on recess and headed for the park", stated Agnes Ramirez, "but we soon realized that they were somewhat angered and some were even armed."

Her boyfriend, Chuck Waverly, continued, "we were scared at first but then it just became cute. You know, seeing them swing baseball bats and trying to break car windows they couldn't reach. It was pretty funny. But... I guess laughing at them only made it worse."

At first encourage by a growing throng of spectators, the demonstrators from RALF began building steam and movement toward the Museum of Modern Science. Several blocks from their destination, however, confusion grew as truancy officers arrove first and threatened to "round them all up if they didn't return to their grade school classrooms".

Through lawyers, Wadsworth explained the situation this way, "We were outraged. How could we, the little people of the city, be confused for simple minded school children? This just goes to prove the terrible prejudice and ignorance shared by modern society toward our people. Something had to be done."

When fights broke out between protestors and spectators the police were called in to break up the scene and make arrests. Arriving in full riot gear, police were at first thwarted and quickly overrun by the mass of rioting RALF members.

"It was eerie", begins Officer Roger Thomlinson, "it looked like a crowd of children at first, but when we saw they were armed with bats and pipes we knew things could get ugly."

Captain James Monroe continued, "I was confident my men could bring the situation to a peaceful resolution. When they threw some stones we didn't worry, afterall we were in full riot gear, but as soon as they got close and began to charge, I knew we were in trouble."

With signs reading Little Body, Big Heart and I'm a person and Pluto is a Planet adding confusion to the size and strength of the RALF members, police units were completely unprepared for what happened next.

"You've seen Return of the Jedi haven't you? I felt lie I was fighting ewoks. They just slipped right under our shields and started hitting us, you know, where it counts. God it was awful. For a bunch of little s[censor]ts, they sure are strong."

While the ensuing conflict brought several officers to their knees, eye level with RALF members, the situation was largely peaceful. Most of the RALF members slipped directly under riot shields and ran through officers legs, creating a situation vrife with confusion never-before-seen in the city.

Moments later, having broken through the police blockade, RALF members stormed the museum and took up controlling positions within and outside the building. The demonstration continued peacefully for several hours with patrons allowed to enter and exit the building freely. While many people still enquired about the whereabouts of RALF member's parents, most onlookers were becoming keenly aware of the situation due to television news and some radio media outlets.

The protest eventually broke and many RALF members escaped arrest with the departure of Rosemont Elementary's entire fourth and fifth grade classes from the museum.

"It sure seemed like the bus lines were more crowded, but who's going to take attendance in a situation like that?" stated Mrs. Feldman after the debacle. She continued, "Some of them stood out like sore thumbs, what with the facial hair and all, but most just blended right in until later when we got back to the school."

The District Attorney is still weighing options regarding charges against Wadsworth and the short list of apprehended RALF members.

posted by GreSam @ 10:33