Far Out Son of Lung...: Moxie

06 January 2006

Moxie

I read a dating blog called Moxie In the City. Most of the time it is full of drivel, but sometimes it contains useful advice and curious insight to people's psyche and this whole confusing dating thing... After the recent turn of events in my life I decided to write her an email.

I have written to Moxie before, seeking advice about why it seems I could not meet a woman with similar interests and why so many women seem to lack a desire to do fun, outdoor things like climbing, cycling and hiking... Mostly, I was told that I am shallow and that I need to be less concerned with finding an attractive gym bunny, and more concerned with finding someone who is honest, kind & nice and shit. I responded, via a post on her blog, that it would be silly to assume that a person wouldn't want to find someone with those endearing qualities (nobody wants to find a bitchy, whining chic, right?) but that I also wanted someone with whom to experience all the other fun stuff... I got the funny feeling that my question offended her and some of the nastier readers because, well, they are fat & lazy. Anyway, here's my latest email to Moxie.

This isn't so much a question as a little success story... I'll start it off with some background and muck my way along from there. Just thought you might like to read some good news to balance out all the difficult questions you receive.

You know how people tell you that you'll meet someone as soon as you stop looking? Yeah, I've always thought that was a bullshit cop out answer, too. Well, low and behold, it actually happened. I walked into the store seeking a new pair of rock climbing shoes and walked out with her email address and phone number. I never intended to meet anyone while shopping for such an item, nor had I intended to find myself with a relationship after handing her my business card, but conversation had flowed freely and she was seeking someone to climb with in addition to her normal climbing partner of eight years.

I've had a lot of trouble meeting a woman that interested me, I'm sure it ties to multiple reasons within myself that I'm not qualified or willing to talk about here, but essentially I was having trouble meeting a woman that had (what I thought was) an attractive personality. There are plenty of lookers in my part of the country, a fair number of them are kind and honest and all those nice things, but I kept finding that none of them seemed to do anything. Anything refers to hobbies, interests and goals; something that I think a person needs to give their life a little more meaning than simply existing. Heck, often times they weren't even that interested in their job/career, which made it even more difficult for me to figure out what got them up out of bed every morning. I couldn't figure out what drove them through life, what made them who they were, and it made them less attractive.

I've been in a relationship before where I was active, involved in the outdoors and always wanting to be out doing something. She, on the other hand, was happy to stay at home diddling on the computer or what have you. For awhile everything was fine as we did our thing and still enjoyed the time we did spend together, but eventually she grew tired of me being away so much. Still, she refused to get involved or share in my activities, even after I had gotten myself involved in hers. I made concessions and stayed home more, but she never met me half way to get involved and eventually I ended up giving up most of what I really enjoyed enable to be with her, which of course is quite stupid. But, I digress.

I hate the bar/club scene and decided that I'd be best off meeting a woman who is also involved in similar activities to my own. It worked fairly well and I met some very attractive tri-athletes, cyclists and runners, but the women I was meeting were older and seeking someone or something different than what I had to offer. Apparently, women in my part of the country do not concern themselves with hobbies and their health until they are in their mid-30s. I'm 28 and was seeking a woman within a few years of my age, and preferably someone without children. With my current plan failing me, I decided to change course and try doing some things differently.

In an effort to get myself more on the market and put myself out there in the singles scene I followed some of the advice I've seen in Moxie's blog. I tried my best to make changes within myself that helped me feel more confident, more attractive and all of that jazz. I carried myself a little differently, I attended more singles events and I made an honest effort to approach more women but once I'd done so I, as I said before, found myself with no way to relate to them. Some had a pretty face, others had a nice gym built physique, but they didn't seem to be interested, intrigued, by anything. I spent a lot of time talking about myself, which sucks, in an effort to find something we had in common. Ultimately I had trouble leading to more interesting conversation and every time I tried to lead into their interests I would end up with a dead end. It is still quite vexing.

Then a funny thing happened: I went shopping for a pair of shoes. It was a random trip prior to our company Christmas party and I just wanted to waste a little time. She was working at the shop, and I suppose it was one of those classic happenstance situations. After meeting at the outdoor shop (no, I didn't end up buying anything from her) we saw each other at a house party a few days later and then got together for some climbing the following morning. From there, it just developed naturally.

We have a great rapport, plenty in common besides a love for climbing and getting to know each other is easy. So far, one of the best things about dating her is that there's no drama. She isn't bitchy, whiney, sassy, rude or vexing. What she is, however, is calm, supportive, encouraging, intelligent and energetic. She's got a goofy sense of humor, makes me smile constantly and I have the same effect on her. Not only that, she is great for my ego. I've always considered myself a work in progress, but she tells me how hot I am all the time! I am truly fortunate to have ended up with her, and I'm only hoping I can live up to the way she feels about me. She more than fulfills my needs, and it is awesome.

I've been told before, primarily by people reading this blog, that specifically seeking a woman with whom to enjoy outdoor activities was shallow. The thing is, I haven't been looking for a woman to climb with, or bicycle with… I just wanted a woman that had a passion for something, wanted to explore and enjoy the outdoors and experience life instead of sitting around watching life happen around her. She didn't need to be a climber or a cyclist or a runner, she just needed to have something in her life that drove her forward. The fact that we can share something is wonderful, and there are still things I do that she has no interest in, which is fine with me because she supports my desire to succeed.

She's wonderful, I can't fault her and I thoroughly enjoy every minute I'm with her. Its more than just the outdoor activities, it is her passion for experiencing things and her desire to see me succeed just as much as she wants to achieve herself. This, to me, is what a relationship is all about. And, truth be told, I think it is something many of your readers seem to neglect. I often think that most people are too busy thinking about getting laid and not busy enough actually wanting to meet someone with whom to build a rewarding relationship. But that's my opinion. Anyway, your blog and it's many readers have been most helpful and I have learned some things about myself that I think have been a great benefit.